Busy, busy, busy or tired….

I have been in hibernation mode, I suppose. I haven’t visited social media technology much the past few months. I have managed to accept my tired days and enjoy my good days. Getting to that point hasn’t been easy. I have gone through a long period of depression, sadness and trying to keep up the good fight. In the end, too much fighting and not accepting that fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue limit me, inevitably, makes things worse.

It isn’t easy accepting limitations. It is even harder to make others close to you accept them, as well. I know it isn’t easy to be on the outside and try understanding the fatigue and limitations. Just imagine being on the inside of the battle!

My pain is managed fairly well. I can live with pain and keep on pushing through. It is the fatigue that really gets me. I want to function, I want to go, go, go. I can’t, though. I just can’t. No one will ever understand the intensity of chronic fatigue without living it. It is alright though. I have accepted it. If I must sleep; I will sleep.

The insomnia cycle is where it really gets me. It never fails, insomnia strikes, when I need sleep the most. I really need to function the next day; I have no choice. I have figured out that my insomnia strikes with the hint of rain in the distance or a drastic shift in weather. But then, I have to sleep an insane amount of hours, soon after.

Awww, the crazy life of battling fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I am surviving. Some days I don’t feel like I am living, but I am slowly finding new ways. Now, hopefully, off to sleep, I must go….

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You see fall, I see fatigue

The weather controls my life!

sleepytime
I can’t plan too far in advance because the weather often changes and with each change; my body and energy decide to change, too. This can’t ever be a good change. I crash, and I crash hard!
Most probably don’t even notice a few degrees difference, here and there, but not me. I can tell you the weather is going to change, even if only just a degree or two, at least a couple of days ahead. My weather premonitions come with aches, pains and extreme fatigue.
My aches and pains come in the form of various joint pains and overall muscle fatigue. The joints that hurt are never the same, jumping from one to another, with each changing weather pattern. Yesterday it was my knee, two days before it was my back and the week before, my shoulders. My joints ache to a debilitating point, ranging from limited range of motion to inability to use them.
The muscle fatigue is like none I ever experienced before. It is like getting sick with the flu, but worse. Just lifting my arm or moving my leg seems like an extreme feat. My muscles don’t want to work, but resting doesn’t provide any relief. It is like I ran a race, but haven’t even gotten out of bed. The tension doesn’t ease with stretching or medication.
The fatigue is so amazingly extreme that it even shocks me. Who knew someone could be so very tired. I can sleep 12 hours straight, wake for an hour and go right back to bed for 8 more. It is insane, it baffles me; and drives me into misery. I do not want to be so tired; I do not want to sleep to the extreme. My body gives me no choice. I cannot stay awake or function, no matter how hard I try or how much caffeine I ingest. The more I fight it, the more tired I get and the sicker I feel. If I don’t give in, I get even worse. When my body decides it needs to sleep; I must sleep.

sleepyball
I have tried battling it all, to my detriment. See, if I don’t give in and allow my body to rest; I get worse. The pains come on stronger and more debilitating, the fatigue is even more extreme, and I physically get sick. My throat will start hurting, my lymph nodes will become swollen, I will run fever and, literally, become sick.
It sucks, I hate it, and I don’t want this for my life. It is the battle I have been given, though, so pressing forward is all I can do. I hope one day that my body will decide it is miraculously better. I hope to no longer have extreme fatigue, aches and pains. I hope one day there is a better treatment, cure or my body heals itself. I hope one day to feel that I can live life again. Until then, I must limp along and sleep when the weather changes. I must go with the flow of the constant changing of weather patterns and live my life for the good days.